


Stranger

by crystalngigi



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: F/F, Rosenali, Sad POV, Season 13 (RuPaul's Drag Race US), Useless Lesbians, denali deserves better, in love w best friend, rose could be better, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29668497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalngigi/pseuds/crystalngigi
Summary: love hurtsloneniless hurtsyou weren't suppost to hurt but it's all you doi'm hurt
Relationships: Denali Foxx/Rosé
Kudos: 13





	Stranger

Someday I feel you so close, it's almost I can feel your touch just by hearing your angelic voice, your warmth by your giggles, your love by your presence. The feeling is too good to be real, I'm addicted in every single way, I would make sure that it would never stop if it was up to me. All the texts, calls, facetime and hangouts make my days be meaningful, i wake up to wish you good morning and ask how did you sleep, how are you feeling and what are your plans for today even though I already know that is pretty similar to day before in the majority of times, but having you telling me again just makes sense every time. I only feel okay when you answer me back, even though I know you don't have to wake up as early as me, even though I know you only gonna text me back when you get your first cup of black coffee of the day, even though I know that everything is probably okay with you, i found myself waiting every morning like i didn't know what time you actually gonna do it, like I'm waiting for a reason to go on with my own routine. The ninety minutes between the time that I text you still in bed and your answer feels like an eternity, I feel too anxious for something so little and there is no reason for it but I just do.

My biggest fear is one day you not answering, you simply forgetting to give me good morning and go on with your life like i was never there to bother you everything early morning. You realize that you don't need me anymore and let me go the way a grown kid leaves their toys with time, never looking back. You get tired of me, all starting with you saying that you need some space for yourself, that life is getting busier than usual, saying that you talk to me later and never warning me that later means some day that will never come. 

I know I'm not your person but the problem is that you are mine. I need you way more than you ever needed me, I look for you way more than you ever looked for me, I wait for you more than you ever waited for me. Maybe it's just our dynamic, how we work best together, how we get the best out of each other, but it hurts me more than it will ever hurt you and I'm tired of getting hurt all the time. I'm always missing you while you never get to miss me, i make sure that you never do miss your dear friend because I know how awful it feels, i wish you never do feel that, i will keep my word to try to make sure you don't but it feels unfair for me at the same time.

I don't have any interest in talking to my other friends, they could never make me as happy as you do, even though I get less and less of the joy of having you around nowadays, just a few minutes with you feels better than hours with anyone else. I have no interest in meeting new people, no one will be better than you and I don't feel like wasting my time knowing the best is already my friend. I don't have any interest in occupying myself with anything, I know that you are gonna be the only thing in my head the whole time, I won't focus even trying but most times I don't. It's hard because while I wait for you, you have a whole life that doesn't involve me. I'm literally your last option, the one that you take when your first option is busy, when your second is asleep, when your third is mad at you for a silly reason, when you have done everything that you had to do for the day, when you are too bored to do one of your hobbies, when you get tired of watching whatever was recommended by youtube, when you had checked all of your for you page in every social media account you got... While I just need one notification to stop my whole life to check if it's you, to check if you need me, to check what has happened in your life, to check if you are okay and what I can do if not. I'm always there for you, so often that I feel that i don't live until you come along, meaning that I don't live most of my life cause you are barely there anymore, i don't even know why but as long as you still show up I will make sure to be handle with my feelings.

I know one day you will stop responding, you eventually stop calling me, you find something else to be your last option as I become nothing. Even though I know it will happen soon, the idea of you becoming a stranger is too painful. I can't be in love with a stranger, can i? It's not much different from my reality at the moment. I'm not ready for me to be a stranger to you, for me to stop caring, for me to act like I don't see you when we are in the same room, for me to stop talking about you like you are a fallen angel, for me to have life that I don't wait for you. I'm glad that I got the chance of having you ever, that we got so close that it almost felt like we were one person, that i got to meet someone as perfect as you in my eyes, that i got to make someone like you happy as long as I did, that you had me every time you needed a shoulder to cry or a hug, that i was there for all the moments you allowed me to participate. It was too good to be true, too good to last forever, too good to be real, I have been waiting for you for the day but it never gets here, my suffering never ends, you keep playing me and i just hope one day you will stop. I stop imagining the day that you will ever love me back, i stop imagining the day that we will be together, i stop imagining a future with you in it, i stop imagining the day that you would finally change, i stop imagining the day that you gonna give me as much as I give you, i stop imagining the day I'm gonna have a happy ending, i don't see unless I have you in it, i stop imagining the day you won't feel a stranger.

I always question how long I can take all of this, how long is healthy for me to stay for you, how long it takes for you to realize that I left, how long it takes for you to find a replacement for something you never seemed to care much. It doesn't matter that you say you love me, that you enjoy having me around, that you love being my dear friend, because i know you don't, at least not as much as I do, you never will. I don't want you to feel bad for me, to pity me, to change for my own pleasure, that's not the point or never was. I want you to be happy, I want you to have your best life, I want you to find someone that makes you happy, as much happy as you made me one day, to find someone that you care as much as I care for you, to love someone as much as I love you. You deserve all the goods that life can provide you, but I know that I don't only don't provide you that, you won't do it for me.

Suddenly I get one, two, three, four new notifications so I pick up my phone. Your name is on my screen with a heart on the side, and i catch myself smiling at it, almost like i have forgotten everything that was in my head seconds ago for the past hours and it's all fine now

Rosie S2  
Heyyy Dee  
Sorry i lost the alarm, I'm so late lol  
I'm all good:)  
How r u?

All the heavy thoughts simply go away, all the sourness goes down the throat, all the pain disappears, it's all okay, as long you are not a stranger, I will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> im really sorry if that made you sad, i clearly wasnt okay writing it but you did get a warning lol.  
> i may do rose's pov telling her side of the story one day...
> 
> Thank you for reading this until the end:) comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
